Stop Shaming Your Mom For Her Accent!

On the viral videos where children make fun of their multilingual parents for the way they sound

A friend and linguistics colleague posted a link to a video a few days ago where a young woman asks her Brazilian mother to say some English words. Depending on how the multilingual mother, whose first language is not English, pronounces the word, she either gets a green check or a red X.  The point of the video is to make fun of the mom when she can’t pronounce an English word, or to laugh if it’s pronounced incorrectly, incorrectly according to the daughter. The daughter laughs, the mom laughs, everyone is supposed to laugh. But there is nothing funny about it.

The phonology of a language acquired as a child (often called “native language” but I am not a fan of that term) and usually, the dominant language, will likely influence any other language learnt later in life. Different languages have different phonological features (sounds) and they do not always cross over to other languages, meaning it can be more challenging for someone to say certain sounds in English if they learnt the language as an adult, and depending on their first language. Syntax and vocabulary are easier to master in a new language, but the phonology of an earlier language(s) will almost always influence the way someone sounds in the new language.

Children learning a new language master its sounds in a way adult learners cannot and often exceed at learning the grammar as well. Those children have the accents they have because of where they grew up or what language they were immersed in. Flip the scenario and I wonder how these kids would feel being mocked online for the way they speak their mother’s first language. (To clarify, this is not OK either, as there are also videos shaming children who do not speak their parents’ heritage language.)

No one is accent-free and when someone makes fun of the way another person sounds, it is often because that person sounds different than they do, a form of not only othering but linguistic discrimination. When you hear terms like strong accent or thick accent, ask, strong/thick according to whom?

Many of these videos have headlines like “Words my mother/father can’t pronounce in English” and there is often giggling in the background. Sometimes, the parent plays along, also laughing. But I wonder, deep down, how they internalize that mockery, especially because it is being performed by their own child. Even when we consider an accent to be “cute”, “funny”, “adorable”, it is still a form of othering. You sound so [insert adjective] because you don’t sound like me.”

It also happens to dads. The creator of this video is a comedian and also has a popular character based on her German mom. I have lots of feelings about these skits and have had many discussions with people on what is/isn’t “allowed” as a comedian. In this case, it isn’t specifically about her mom’s German accent, but it is perpetuating cultural stereotypes and that can also be extremely harmful.

Something that comes up in research, including my own, is that in immigrant communities, when parents feel they don’t have a command of the societal language the same way their children do, and especially if the children consider their parents’ societal language as something “weaker” than their own, an imbalance occurs. This imbalance is not only in parent-child respect but also often, in the mother-child emotional and relationship connection.

A comment on one of the videos: “She would butcher them so much…it was so sweet and cute” to make fun of my own mother…

Imagine being mocked by your child for the way you speak and communicate in a language you learnt as an adult – an incredible feat! Plus, there is often the whole, leaving your world and country behind to make a better life for your child! Even if it’s meant to be a joke, these videos perpetuate accentism, normalize it, and show it is ok to make fun of someone, even your own mom, for mispronouncing certain English words. As my friend also noted, it is also about harmful ideologies of assimilation and notions of linguistic purism.

I don’t think we have to avoid differences in how we sound, or do things different culturally, that’s’ not the point because we are all different. We all language and communicate in different ways. There are certain things my mom says or does I consider very Polish but also very comforting because they bring me back to my childhood. I have discussed these things with other children of immigrants and there is something amazing about sharing stories and knowing exactly what the other person means when they say, “My mom always does/says this.” (I share this anecdote as I know people will say this is relatable content if your parents also have an accent, or are from Germany in the case of the comedian.) But the kids in these videos are bullying their parents, mocking them, and perpetuating awful stereotypes that have real-life consequences for millions of people worldwide who are discriminated against because of the way they sound every day.

Instead of, “when your mother has an accent it just makes everything funny”, try, “when your mother has an accent, it is pretty cool and I should learn her other language(s) from her as soon as possible”. Hopefully that is already happening on the other side of those videos.